“Teaching a New Top: How to Encourage Confidence and Dominance”

In any dynamic, especially one involving power exchange, the relationship between the top and bottom is built on trust, communication, and respect. But what happens when the top is new to the scene? Maybe they’re hesitant or unsure about how to embrace their role in facesitting or other forms of BDSM play. How do you encourage them to step into their dominant role with confidence?

Teaching a new top isn’t just about showing them the ropes—it’s about helping them explore and embrace the power dynamic between you both, all while ensuring that consent, trust, and mutual pleasure remain at the forefront. In this article, we’ll discuss how to encourage confidence and dominance in your top and create a space where both of you can enjoy growth in the dynamic.

1. Set Clear Expectations and Communicate Your Desires

The first step in teaching a new top is clear and open communication. It’s crucial that you talk about what you both want and expect from the experience. What role do you want them to play? Are they comfortable with the idea of domination, or are they still figuring it out?

Let your top know that you are there to support them and that their growth into the role is something you want to be a part of. Clarify your own desires and limits, but also encourage them to experiment. Dominance doesn’t need to be rigid; it can be playful, explorative, and fluid.

2. Start Slow and Build Confidence

When you have a new top who’s still gaining confidence in their role, it’s important to start slow. Dominance doesn’t always have to begin with heavy, intense scenes. Instead, take your time to build their comfort with the dynamic. Small actions, like taking control of a position or asserting themselves in a playful way, can slowly build their confidence over time.

Encourage them to express their desires, too—what makes them feel powerful and in control? Sometimes, they may need to find their rhythm in asserting dominance, and this is something that can develop through regular practice and communication.

3. Positive Reinforcement: Praise Their Efforts

Just like with any other skill, building dominance requires positive reinforcement. After your sessions, give your top feedback on what worked. Was their posture confident? Did they assert control well? Did they follow through with commands or actions that you enjoyed?

When they see their dominance reflected positively, it helps them connect the dots between their actions and your pleasure. This kind of feedback boosts their confidence and motivates them to keep exploring new ways to take control.

4. Be Patient with Their Mistakes

No one is perfect at first, especially when it comes to exploring something as nuanced as dominance. If your top makes a mistake—whether they’re not as assertive as you’d like, or they miss a signal—it’s essential to be patient. Be gentle with your corrections, and guide them rather than chastise them. Encourage an open dialogue where they can ask questions and express their doubts.

You can help them grow by giving them the space to make mistakes and learn from them. Let them know that even if things don’t go perfectly, it’s still part of the learning process, and they have your trust.

5. Empower Them with Control

For many new tops, their confidence in dominance is built when they’re given the full reins of control. Empower them by allowing them to take the lead. Encourage them to make decisions on positioning, pace, and intensity. When they feel like they are truly in charge of the scene, they will develop their own sense of authority.

Let them experiment with different types of control. Can they control the rhythm of the session? What about shifting positions or commanding you to follow their directions? By allowing them to assert different aspects of control, they will begin to find what feels natural and powerful for them.

6. Build Trust Through Vulnerability

Dominance isn’t just about assertiveness—it’s about trust. A top who is unsure of themselves may hesitate to push boundaries, but building trust can unlock their confidence. Allow your bottom to be vulnerable, and create a safe environment where they can explore their role without fear of judgment or failure.

Be clear that you trust them to lead. Show your vulnerability and submission, which will empower them to take more risks and become more comfortable in their dominant role. When they can see that you trust them to care for your boundaries and desires, it will fuel their confidence.

Final Thoughts

Teaching a new top to embrace dominance is about more than just showing them how to assert control. It’s about creating an environment of trust, patience, and communication. It’s a journey of discovery, not just for them, but for both of you.

When you encourage your top to step into their dominant role, you’re not just helping them find confidence—you’re strengthening your connection, building trust, and unlocking new levels of pleasure for both of you. With time, patience, and the right kind of guidance, even a hesitant top can become a confident, assertive force in the bedroom.